Written by Marsaili Heatley (née MacGregor; LHS 2002)
Life often throws unexpected challenges our way, and we rarely know how we’ll handle them until they arrive.
I remember in UIIID my big blue eyes darting about the room, with little red scrunchies in my hair, singing Boyzone songs, wearing grey itchy socks – sometimes up, but mostly down – and where lifelong friendships were made and broken. It was where we found our feet and learnt we were terrified of Miss Harvatt’s Friday lesson; where I stared out the window more than I should have, but where we were encouraged to dream – big and bold! I never imagined that I’d be living the life I now lead – and yet some of those ‘dreams’ are more real now, than ever before. Sometimes, all we need, is a different perspective.
Back then, I knew three things: music was essential to my life and well-being (thank you Mr Lax), I’d get a dog as soon as I could and that if I was passionate about something, then nothing would stop me. Those passions were Classics and Archaeology and helping people, but when it came to UCAS statements and choosing a university, I was torn – should I study Classics, or apply to be a Primary School teacher? I chose Archaeology and received an MA from Glasgow University and then an MSc in Professional Archaeology from Oxford University. I spent my summers digging at Bamburgh Castle and met my husband, Leo, through archaeology in Oxford and we married in 2010.
However, life took a cruel turn in 2013. After struggling to start a family, I finally became pregnant but sadly had a missed miscarriage just before my 12-week check. A surgical procedure to manage the miscarriage went horribly wrong and I woke up housebound, wheelchair bound and needed a carer. I was no longer going to be an archaeologist, so who was I now? Not a digger, not the dancer I had been – in fact, worse than that, not even mobile and certainly not independent. My identity was surely lost. Years passed, filled with ongoing health issues and multiple bouts of life-threatening sepsis. But I still had Leo and music.
In 2023, Leo and I moved to Ross-on-Wye in Herefordshire, where we live with our second rescue black lab, Teddy, who is also my Assistance dog. It was here that we joined a local Mixed Ability Rowing Session (MARS) at Ross Rowing Club – and my life changed forever – I made it into a boat and rowed! Rowing supported my physiotherapy, gave me social connections, and supported my mental health – and Leo’s too.
Since then, Leo and I have raised money for Love Rowing and went to the Paralympic Fan zone at Battersea with some incredible people. I quickly became deeply invested and began volunteering with Love Rowing. Only later did I realise, I was living out one of those UIIID dreams – dreaming big and bold was still possible.
I was invited to speak about my experience at the Love Rowing Christmas Concert in Marlow and was immediately terrified – haunted by long forgotten memories of stumbling over lines in English lessons and forgetting my long thought-out arguments, how much personal information should I share and who was I anyway? A nobody, so I kindly decli… Actually, no, it turns out I didn’t! I took a deep breath, was given a microphone and did it. It turned out that once many other barriers have been overcome, these other ones faded into insignificance. My small speech was met well and with tears in people’s eyes and I was privileged enough to meet some well-known Olympic and Paralympic medal winners!
I have also been interviewed by British Rowing about the MARS project, and as the coordinator of the project, was extremely devoted to seeing it excel – mixed ability sport, not just rowing, can change lives. I am unwaveringly passionate about sport inclusivity which led me to apply to the British Rowing Coaching Development Pathway where I was given a placement and have now been awarded my British Rowing Assistant Coach certification! My goal? To support others with visible or invisible disabilities, in a mixed ability environment, as a Coach!
So, here I am. Living out a life I never expected, in a wheelchair, sometimes feeling like a burden to my husband, but also breaking down barriers and advocating for inclusivity. There are many ways to help break down boundaries and I hope that you see this too.
More recently, I spoke again of my experiences and was privileged to hear Louise Kingsley and Ben Pritchard speak, as well as hold a gold medal! What I’ve to come to realise are the parallels in our stories – we all want the same things: happiness, freedom, independence, autonomy and our health. Love Rowing’s essence is all about that and appeared in my life at a time where I had lost my self-esteem, I was struggling with Medical PTSD, was newly diagnosed as autistic and had limited mobility, pain and infections. Don’t get me wrong, things still affect me, but alongside that is hope, a sense of achievement, a goal, an avenue to do physio, meet people and most of all enjoy the mindfulness of the river. A completely different pathway, but one that brought me back to me and what I have always believed in; helping others. This was instilled in me even more during my time at LHS particularly with the charity work I did with my best friend, Alex, when we visited the VSU on a weekly basis.
If you asked me now what I know to be true, I would say: music is still essential to my life, owning a dog is wonderful and that if I am passionate about something, I am determined to make it succeed. Not for me, but for those to come. For what should have been, but still could be.
So let’s dream big, by daring to dream small. Let’s be bold and put community first. Let’s break barriers by engaging everyone in sport and making inclusivity a fundamental requirement. And let’s keep honouring ourselves and our dreams, all the way back to those LHS days and consider just taking a moment to keep dreaming, and try to look at things from a different perspective!
