Life is a Conversation

Recently our GREAT men initiative hit the press in the i newspaper and the Times Educational Supplement with the eye–catching headline ‘Headmaster bans Banter’. It is true we have concocted this attention so that we can get the message across that we are teaching the Loughborough Grammar School boys to have proper conversations where both parties feel ownership, freedom of speech, fun and confidence in speaking up. We feel empowered by the 6.5k viewings of our GREAT men film which has been endorsed by the Good Lad Initiative with their project manager saying that we ‘have done great work with a whole school project including teacher training and a whole year group workshop’. We even know that we are hitting the right spot as there are regular features in the satirical school magazine and take outs of the film being used by the boys!  

Quality conversation is arguably the best skill we can embed in our young people, the richness of life is expressed and explored through the wide–ranging and skillful way humans communicate. We all know when we have had a fulfilling conversation; it makes us come alive, challenging us and making us think more deeply. This year quality conversation is the focus of our work with LGS boys. Boys learn best by articulating and despite the national statistics showing that girls have a vastly better command of language at the milestone ages we must not be deterred from our boys knowing and mastering the power of verbal communication.  Boys need to talk and we need to champion this.  

 At LGS we have identified a need to:   

• Create opportunities for boys to have constructive conversations  
• For staff to be guided and encouraged how to have meaningful conversations   
• For parents to be given the up to date information on the difficult conversations they need to have with their sons 

 The best times to speak with your son are in short sharp bursts when you both can give 100% concentration and you both know that there will be a definite end – for example a car journey or a dog walk. The power of discussions around the dinner table is well documented too. Every family should put that at the core of their lives together. In school, we have given tutor time an overhaul to give more time and structure to talk. After half–term, all tutors will be showing a GREAT man vlog, when our very own Mick Hall, (former marine and CCF Officer at LGS, a tutor in Year 8) articulates when to talk and who to talk to, in short, how to deal with the tough times. Later there will be constructive conversation about role models – this can be a great starting point for discussions you have with your sons – if you need a sort of starter!  

 In our Houses, we have created a Wednesday morning structure that allows staff and older boys to lead the rest of the School in opportunities to discuss and present, led by the power of conversation. Still in its infancy, it is no means a habit yet… but we will persevere, improve the structure and continue to empower the boys to be able to speak to various boys outside their Year group. The power of peers is being exploited to their advantage and as we all know peers are the biggest influence on young people.  

 So what to talk about? Boys would hate us to patronize them and they definitely do not want us to shy away from the difficult topics (even if they find this ‘cringe worthy’). This can be hard for adults because we face our own vulnerabilities as we let them into our thoughts and beliefs. It can be hard for the boys as they are embarrassed to hear parents talk about ‘that sort of stuff’, but practice and habit are key and it all starts with small steps that demonstrate how we make decisions. They need to test their decision–making skills about choices such as what their peers think of them, trying and/or drinking alcohol, having a girlfriend or indeed boyfriend, finance, driving, living away from home, relationship break ups, sexual relationships, death, what it is to be an adult to name a few.   

 As parents we need to be confident that we have the tools to have these conversations, we don’t have all the answers but we do know our personal core principles by which we live and those which we wish our boys to have. Steve Biddulph in his book Raising Boys can give you confidence about navigating the teenage years. 

 If you are interested in how to talk to your son and you can handle some quite modern interpretation of this then look at this 10-minute clip.  

 This will give you the inside information on how your son and his peers are operating and will illuminate what heavy expectations are placed on boys – The Man Box.  

 However, the biggest take–home message about conversation is the overwhelming desire for boys to understand more about relationship. In a recent poll in Year 9 they told the Good Lad Initiative trainers that they wanted to know more about relationships with male and female peers, sexual relationships, pornography, men being peer pressured, sexuality, gender quality, appearance, mental health, danger in cities – I am sure you get the picture.  

 At school, we will endeavour to give boys enough information to be able to make the correct decisions but our power is limited!  Parent power is crucial for the boys, please do not shy away from speaking with your son about it all.